Report from (the other) bay
by Chris Austin Lane
We are settled in to the West Coast, and the adventure of parenting goes on. I won't be able to share any new spots on the Potomac, nor how to deal with the cold weather or the inauguration madness (which we read about wistfully).
California is very different from Maryland, and the ex-urbs are very different than Takoma Park. For instance, I bike by a yard of sheep on the way to the Metro, which is called the trolley. I have transformed into one of those Dads that are gone for like 60 hours a week and is all peppy and enthusiastic on our Saturday expeditions to the many wonderful places we have found in the Bay area. We have moved twice and the kids compare everything to Maryland, as do I.
Giving up the primary care taking role has been very painful--I feel the loss of connection in a visceral way in my belly. It has been a little confusing to the kids, but they are very glad to have oceans of time with Mom.
It does turn out that being the paid person makes it a lot easier to have joint decisions go your way. It turns out that doing little things to keep your mind active during those days on the floor is a good idea. And it seems to be true that eight years of connection doesn't vanish even as the close daily interaction vanishes. If I could only find an ex-stay-at-home parents listserv that wasn't a divorce listserv.
I did have a few habits to adjust on return to the work force. It is very difficult to be animated about any topic other than programming or kids. They still talk about sports a lot. I tend to mop up spills more than the other guys. I still show up to work with binkies in my pocket fairly often and even extra underwear.
The feeling I had of being 10 times more efficient with my time than before kids seems to have faded along with the general intensity of everything as the kids grow.
Well, if this works I will probably reporting more often--tho shorter--during the trolley portion of my commute.
Take care of each other during the winter!
--Chris (posted by cell phone)
Great to hear from you, Chris. Happy New Year. We have missed your writing. Hope that Joy and the kids are having a great time. If you run into the Mythbuster guys, tell them "hello" for me.