The Heart of Parenting: Keeping kids busy

For many parents who are working full or part-time, it is out of the question for their children to hang around the house all day. Even stay-at-home parents may find their neighborhoods are empty and quiet because most of the other children are away from home during the day. Summer camps and day-care programs fill an important need, and naturally, parents will look for the programs that will be most interesting and fun for their children. Many of the available summer programs in Takoma Park and Silver Spring are wonderful and provide both fun and enrichment. Yet I wonder what the long-term effects are for children who have so much of their time programmed for them and so much of their fun created for them?

As anyone who has ever spent a full day at an amusement park knows, even a day full of fun and excitement can be exhausting. One day after another of fun activities can be wearying, when there is too little time down time to rest and recuperate. And, for many children, there is too little time to just be. I wonder when children who grow up with most of their hours and entertainment planned for them have the opportunity to explore their own imaginations and creativity.

What can children do when they have "nothing to do"? How about fun stuff such as: start a club, dress up as a superhero, build a fort, excavate road works in the dirt, invent a new recipe, write a kid's newspaper, make a time-travel machine, set up a lemonade stand, make cookies, collect old towels for the animal shelter, write to a pen-pal, learn to whistle, read a book just for fun...

I regularly see children in my private practice who admit to me that they are worn out by their very busy schedules. Kids who are always on the go from one thing to another have precious little time to day-dream, to hang out with their friends, or even to just unwind. I have heard more than one over-busy young teen ask, "Isn't this supposed to be a fun time in my life?" When I asked them what they are missing, they wistfully talk about longing for more time to just hang out in their backyards, to get together with friends, or even time to just read fun books.

Parents today need to protect their children's childhood as well as protect their children. How can you do this? Here are some suggestions:

• Pay attention to your child: Are they frequently tired at the end of the day or exhausted? Do they come home from their camp relaxed or over-stimulated? Is your child usually pleasant or usually irritable? Is your child showing you that they are over-stimulated or over-busy?

• Protect your child's "down time" as carefully as you protect their "homework time."

• Childhood is a great opportunity to try many different sports, arts, etc. But, life is long and there will be many chances to learn different things! Anyone can learn ballet or piano to soccer as an adult as well as during childhood.

• Free time is too important to just wait for it to happen spontaneously--build free time into your schedules year round.

• Look for day-care and camp programs that offer unstructured time, as well as programmed activities.

• Look for day-care and camp programs that provide fun materials and sports equipment, and then step back and allow children to invent their own fun and games.

• Don't be too concerned when your child says "I'm bored!" This is a great opportunity to encourage your child "I remember how creative you were when you and your brother invented a new water balloon game--I'm guessing you can think of something fun to do today, too." Finding ways to entertain themselves is a problem for your child to solve, not for you. You can provide the toys, the craft supplies, the books, and the games--but how they use these to have fun is up to them!

Emory Luce Baldwin, LCMFT, is both a Family Therapist working with families in Takoma Park and Kensington and a Certified Parent Educator with the Parent Encouragement Program (PEP). You can contact Emory at 301-588-1451 or go to www.emorylucebaldwin.com.