I just realized that with yourself, there are some things that you can change by trying to and some things that you cannot change by trying to and must figure out how to work with them. For instance, I can write a blog entry when I want to. I can't really make myself (I conclude) stop losing my keys when I'm exhausted or anxious. I have to make sure I usually have multiple copies of my keys.
However, that is also how it is with other people. There are some things you can ask people to do or not to do, and it's possible that they will be able to do it. There are some things, however, that they won't be able to do even if they want to as well. I can ask someone to pass me the salt or excuse me to go to the rest room (now that the baby is 3, anyways), and you know, it happens. But I can't really stop the war on Iraq. I can't even get fellow anti-war folks not to go around pissing off other people that might join the peace movement.
And the really funny thing is that this is also how it is with inanimate things. There are rocks I can just pick up and move, and there are mountains. (We spent a long time throwing rocks today into Sligo Creek after swinging large). My son got to explore the difference between rocks he can move and rocks he can't. He even got to dig up a rock that he didn't expect to!
I think part of the trick of keeping a group of heterogeneous people functioning smoothly (aka keeping the family within shouting distance of happy) is knowing clearly the difference between things that can be done and things that can be adjusted to. Hungry baby, not going to fix on its own. That first whiff of poopy diaper means a diaper change is needed. Hungry 7 year old, that's often a bit negotiable. Tired and upset working partner comes home, gotta go get the cheese and crackers, and perhaps a cocktail (how is it that "cocktail" makes me feel much more grown up than "poopy diaper"). Toddler starts to make barfing noise, the next day or so is revealed in its inexorable reality. Toddler insists on carrying five toys to the grocery store, often that's negotiable. Daddy has had 3 hours of sleep due to internet time wastage, and I'm not going to be telling made up on the spot stories. But I might be able to summon up a cheerful sound in my voice as I read a favorite story book.
You get the point. Same principle as the difference between a "check engine" light and a flat. Ignoring the flat causes as much trouble as freaking out over a light when you are late for cooping at the nursery school.
Leave a comment