I just read a lovely post by Stephanie about the end of her son's Santa Claus belief, and was inspired to share my own hard boiled policy.
One of my earliest memories of betrayal was arguing with a boy in kindergarten about the reality of Santa Clause. As a faithful Episcopalian, I went to the mat, as kindergarten arguments go, for his reality. I went home, and described the debate to my mom, who let me in on the truth: I had been lied to, by my parents and by society. Arg. It is mere coincidence that I did not at that moment abandon all belief in goodness.
So when my beloved life partner and I started with kids, having a skeptical child has more or less been a deliberate goal. I used to play games where I'd say silly untrue things to my daughter (very difficult to hit the right level, so that she was neither completely believing what I was saying nor angry that it wasn't true). Also, I have a strange speech habit where I substitute one word for another without even really noticing it. For example, I often say "blanket" instead of "towel", which to me are closely related concepts anyways, but my daughter is always correcting me. So she has years of experience with having her authority be fallible. And I also try as much as I am able to not lie outright to her, about anything, and to answer any question she has. I'll omit much of relevance, of course, but that's how it goes with parents.
But she never had a year when she understood what the Santa thing was about, and was told that it was literally real. Not that she hasn't enjoyed setting out food for Santa and writing notes. The policy has worked out better than I'd have guessed, as she is both informed and also able to enjoy the magical mythical aspects fully (and I have said that Santa is a story that people love because it shows the wonder of giving and receiving). Of course, this is a person who can spend hours playing games with her tiny tiny dolls. She'll be playing with them as I re-tidy the kitchen or whatever, and I'll here a faint, "Daddy" from where she is sitting, and I'll say "Yes?" And she'll say "I'm not talking to you!" with some exasperation. It is tiny doll #1 talking to tiny doll #2.
The thing I can't decide about is my son. He's just three, and someone has been telling him the stories about Santa. He's not as skeptical as my daughter was. (People over hear my daughter and I negotiating on some point or other, and they often tell me she'll be a fine lawyer.) I do play the games about joking, and he's a big joker, but he's just got a certain willingness to believe in wild stuff that she didn't have. So I'm finding myself wondering if I should bring up Santa's factualness if it doesn't come up spontaneously. It seems like that would be a spoil sport thing to do, but then I don't want to get into keeping the truth from him, to the extent that he even cares about the truth.
For he, at three, isn't really even in the "reality based community" yet. You can't find out what happened in a literal sense by asking him (which makes for some interesting occasions when he and his sister have fought in ways that sound like the rules of fighting were violated, and he's clearly not answering factually, and yet just my asking him what happened seems to be an essential part of a just environment; so I'll be like, "What happened?" to him, and his sister will try to quickly tell me her side of it, and I'll say, "I'm not asking you, I want to hear from him." And he'll make up some wildly improbable story, and then what can I do? "Is this fight so serious that we need to get out of the bathtub? [No!] If I have to help out once more, then we are getting out."
So does he care about Santa? Will he be arguing with someone about Santa's reality and be upset if he was tricked? And will my friends that are protecting their kids' ideas about Santa Claus be horrified by this post?
As you say, Santa may represent something but most people would say the person and the story aren't actually-currently-true.
I think what will be more challenging (at least for me), is explaining G-d, the concepts of G-d/religion, spirituality, etc... to our kids B/C of our own shifting/evolving/revolving/devolving beliefs.
I think there is a rich cultural and personal connection (aside from the spiritual connection itself) to religion that I'd be hesitant to keep my kids away from just b/c I may not agree with everything proscribed by that religion's teachings. Not G-d lies per se, just different truths (??).
Maybe I'll be like the 'sleeping Homer' in the last church pew. Maybe 'Homer' had the same conflict (too strong a word). Would this be tricking them?
Perhaps these choices by a parent (e.g., permitting the preaching of blind faith on impressionable ears) can sway a kid toward skepticism (or the opposite).
Would be curious to hear folks with similar questions strategy on talking about G-d and religion to toddlers.
I also meant to say I also used my childhood experience in deciding whether or not to do Santa. I tried to remember how I felt when I figured it out and I remember being a bit disappointed, but not angry or deceived. So far that seems to be N's response. That was a gamble, of course, since we're different people. Maybe another kid would have been mad.
I know what you mean about the kids' temperaments making a difference. We had our believer first and it might be too soon to say, but I think J will be our skeptic.