Chapter 32. Metamorphoses
Having spent all day Saturday doing work around the community, on Sunday, Rita Jane gave herself the gift of a day in her studio. For two decades, Rita Jane had created a life where she pretty much did whatever she wanted to do and what she usually wanted to do was paint. She had minimized her outside responsibilities, taking only jobs that she did not care about, conserving her energy and time for her art. If a job got to be too much of a hassle, she simply quit, without worrying about it.
Although she had fantasized for a long time about being a parent, she didn’t have a realistic picture about what it would mean to have to care for another person. Now she had lots of people in her life that needed her. She had a pregnant girlfriend, who was accused of providing support to a terrorist, who was sick a lot of the time and stressed out the rest of the time, she lived in a community that demanded time and attention, and she had a job where the owner relied on her to run the business while he worked to keep her girlfriend out of jail.
She still tried to paint everyday, but often there just wasn’t time. She wandered through her life in a mostly pleasant daze like a cross between being in love and having a bad head cold. The days blended into one another. Mornings she spent in the shop turned studio painting dark and hazy images in grey and violet, subsisting on green tea. She broke at 11 to work the lunch shift at Paul’s Place, and depending on Paul’s schedule she might stay until dinner. When Claudia got home at 7:00, Rita Jane turned her full attention to caring for her: cooking her meals, doing her laundry, rubbing her tired feet, listening to her talk about her case or just sitting on the couch with her watching television. The happiness she felt at the thought of the coming child was sometimes overcome by a panicky feeling, like she was swimming in deep water and couldn’t touch the bottom.
She was vaguely aware that other people were trying to reach her. There were four messages on her answering machine from her parents. She listened to her mother urging her to call, but the idea of talking seemed to take too much effort. Sooner or later she would have to call them, but she wasn’t ready for their judgment.
She was deep in the middle of a painting when Dan appeared at her studio.
“I brought you a present,” he said, handing her a stuffed panda. “It’s the Washington mascot. I thought you could use some company.”
“She’s beautiful. Thank you very much.”
“How are you?” he asked.
“I’m great,” she said, trying to sound cheerier than she felt. “And a bit overwhelmed.”
Dan sat down on a red love seat. “I don’t know which is more difficult, taking care of Claudia or taking care of a new born. I guess it’s good practice, either way.”
Rita Jane joined him on the couch, letting the comforting softness envelop her. “It’s not that bad. I love spending time with her. It’s just that so much is happening so soon. Most people know each other for years before they decide to have a child together.”
Dan cocked his eyebrow. “I suppose that’s true in the ideal case, but I think unplanned pregnancies are pretty common.” Dan said.
“Not with lesbians,” Rita Jane said.
Dan laughed. “True enough.”
“How are things with Dave,” she asked changing the subject.
“Fantastic,” he smiled copiously. “I’m in love.”
“That’s great,” Rita Jane said trying to muster up an appropriate tone of enthusiasm. “He’s a wonderful person. You two are perfect for each other.”
“I told him about the pregnancy,” Dan said.
“Really? How did he react?”
“He’s been very supportive.”
Rita Jane wondered exactly what Dan had told Dave. They hadn’t discussed what role Dan would play in raising the child. There was time enough to figure out those details later.
“I’m worried about how my parents will react to the news that I’m involved with Claudia. I’ve been avoiding them.”
“It’s not any weirder than you planning on raising a child with a woman you weren’t involved with.”
“That’s true.” Tears stuck in her throat. The pent-up frustration she had been suppressing was catching up with her.
“They’ll come around, eventually,” Dan said.
“It feels different. What am I going to tell them? Mom, Dad, Guess what? You were right? Come to find out I am a lesbian.”
“When you put it like that, it does sound a bit strange. But this was your choice, remember?”
“I remember,” Rita Jane said. “I still think I’m doing the right thing. Some days I feel excited and some days I’m overwhelmed.”
Dan nodded.
“I think I’d feel better if I told them,” she said. “Would you come with me?”
“Are you crazy? I’m not repeating another dinner like the last one. I’m the last person they’ll want to see. Your father will blame me, again.”
Rita Jane giggled. “It is kind of your fault, I suppose.”
“If it works out, I’ll take credit.”
“It’ll work out,” Rita Jane said. “It has to.”