granolapark

Here it is the first sentence of our post and we're already exhausted from wrestling with our inner punster. Must. Resist. Doggedly.

This is the chief's fault! Takoma Park Police Chief Ronald Ricucci wants dogs! He wants not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR dogs. These are working police dogs, of course, dogs trained to sniff out drugs and people. The city had two dogs and retired one, which the chief wants to replace. He's asked the council for a third dog, and wishes for a fourth.

Another funding source, said Riccicuo, will be the speed camera traps soon to be deployed. You may recall, Dear Reader, that these cameras are operated not by the police but by an independent consultant, and they split the take with the city (as opposed to sending it all to the state as is done with police-issued tickets)..

About less lucrative crimes, Kyleen Luy, Takoma Park Police Crime Analyst, made a detailed report to the council. Ms Luy is the one who sends out weekly crime report e-mails to neighborhood groups and individuals, and she had statistics gathered over the last few years.

She had good news -"Part I" crimes: homicide, rape, aggravated assault, robbery, larceny, and auto theft, have gradually declined over the last three years. She had bad news as well - theft from automobiles is on the upswing. Residents are urged to lock their cars and not leave valuables in them even when locked.

The charts and graphs presented by Ms Luy are available online if you wish to be your own crime analyst, Dear Reader. Go here and click on the "presentation" link under #6 on the Sept. 22 meeting agenda.

Your Gilbert is disappointed that certain dots were not connected and certain questions were not asked. Is the council really happy with our local Drug War escalation? Is everyone comfortable that the police are apparently placing a high priority on "profitable" crime?

We suppose it may be a good thing, and the council seemed to think so, that drug-sniffing dogs are funding the purchase of more drug-sniffing dogs, but are drugs the biggest crime problem in Takoma Park?

We're fairly sure we heard the crime analyst say that theft from autos is increasing. But, we didn't hear anyone say what we're doing about it, and we didn't hear any councilmember ask.

Which do we need most: more dogs for drug busts, cameras for speeding tickets, or a program to stop the theft-from-autos ? Could we spend the drug dealer-money on giant, car-shaped roach-motels? Or how about a dozen digital cameras to loan to citizens to train on their driveways at night?

We'd like to give the police and the chief the benefit of the doubt. After all we are viewing the police department through the small window of their presentations to the council, and just because they didn't mention what they are doing about theft-from-autos, doesn't mean they aren't focusing on it. For all we know, the council is in on it too, each of them crouching in the darkened back seats of parked cars every night, tasers at hand.

In other council news, the city officially approved of giving a county liquor license to "Avenue Oven," the restaurant moving into the old Taliano's space at 70003 Carroll Ave.

The council voted to oppose "slots" - the referendum on the state's November ballot which wold allow slot machine gambling.

Mayor Bruce Williams and councilmember Josh Wright announced that they recently met with representatives from EYA, the developers-in-waiting of the Takoma Metro station commons. Williams and Wright reported that EYA has made revisions to meet some of the city's concerns, but they do "not solve all the issues," according to Wright. The developer will make a presentation to the council in October or November.

Bless their big bureaucratic hearts, the city council conscientiously tapped on the brakes just before they drove a steamroller over lost-pet owners, yard- and bake-sale holders, local bands, and protest-groups.

They actually reconsidered supporting Sick of Signs Week. In the end they voted for it (split 3 to 4) but not before concluding that Takoma Park's sign ordinance needs to be reviewed.

As Your Gilbert -- toasted citywide as the "Paul Revere of Takoma Park" -- warned in our last post, the city government is holding a "Sick of Signs" week Sept. 20-27. Citizens are encouraged to tear down all illegal signs posted around the city and bring them in for prizes.

What's an illegal sign, you ask?

Some of the council were under the impression that a sign marked with the date of posting and the phone number or address of the poster, was legal. Well, yes, but . . . .

According to the city staff, it is currently illegal to post any sign on a private or public structure, tree, bush, fence, trash can, lamppost, lantern, bench, city clock, wall, other sign, OR utility pole without permission of the owner (and utility poles are owned by the utility not the city, so fat chance there)*.

That rules out all the places you were thinking of posting that "lost dog" notice, Dear Readers. This was the concern of a resident who addressed the council during the Citizen Comment period, pleading on behalf of lost pet owners whose notices stapled to utility poles are technically illegal and subject to expropriation by participants in the Sick of Signs Week.

She said that utility pole lost-pet announcements are a vital, irreplaceable means of neighborhood communication.

Josh Wright wondered aloud whether the Sick of Signs Week approach is best, saying it came close to "condoning vigilanteism." Councilmember Terry Seamens echoed the sentiment and said the event risked "dividing the city, not uniting it." They and councilmember Reuben Snipper voted in the minority against supporting Sick of Signs Week.

Councilmember Colleen Clay scoffed at the idea of overzealous vigilantes, saying her constituents were more "nuanced" than that, and would not heartlessly tear down lost-pet notices. The main target, which all agreed are a nuisance, are the mass-produced "bandit signs" that advertise car towing, carpet cleaning, weight-loss plans, and the like. Mayor Williams agreed with her.

They may be right, Dear Readers, but the city web site announcement for Sick of Signs Week specifically targets "signs announcing the yard sale down the street or asking for help in locating a lost pet," lumping such signs with the bandit signs.

Whose idea was this in the first place? Who could be so mean as to go after lost-pet owners and yard-sale holders with such gusto? Your Gilbert is not surprised to find that Sick of Signs Week is the brainchild, not of anyone in Takoma Park, but the National Association of Code Enforcement.

National Association of Code Enforcement?! Now doesn't that just conjure up an image, Dear Readers? Does the image involve a room full of buttoned-up, sour-faced former classroom-monitors? The sort of people who don't let different foods touch on their plates**?

The association's web site states that its mission is "to educate, elevate and improve the profession of code enforcement."

Why, Your Gilbert asks, is free-spirited Takoma Park aiding this plot to burnish the image of mean-spirited rule-mongers? It makes no sense! When these people take over the world - and you KNOW that's their goal in this - untidy Takoma Parkians will be the first ones against the wall. It'll be a neat, clean wall, naturally.

The review of these ordinances was, as Mayor Williams said, "very instructive." It is to the council's credit that, though they proceeded with Sick of Signs Week, they seemed to realize that in this case the city ordinances are too restrictive and need some loosening up.

Now, Dear Readers, as entertaining as this issue is, this was not necessarily the most important matter before the council. They also discussed revisions to the city's storm water fee structure. This is NOT the annual fee charged to homeowners, but the fees charged to developers of new buildings. The fees cover costs to the city to deal with additional rain runoff.

And no, you can't post your yard-sale signs in the storm drains, either.

Even if you follow these rules, Dear Reader, you are wasting your time, because there is no legal place to put a sign of any kind. The city ordinance bars posting on any "lamppost, lantern, bench, public trash receptacle, live tree or the Old Town Clock. The county ordinance says signs cannot be " attached or affixed to a structure or property such as a fence, wall, antennas, other signs, trees or other vegetation, or to any public structure such as a utility pole without permission of the owner."

This leaves no place to tack a sign. You could staple your index card-size sign to a stick, but where would you poke it? According to the staff, even the public ground between curb and sidewalk is off limits.

**Code enforcement professionals offended by this characterization and wishing to complain to the management are asked to take a number and get in line. No talking and eyes front!

What did you do on YOUR summer vacation? Your Gilbert went off-planet for most of the summer, and did not once think about Takoma Park or how we might bring back some alien practice or idea to improve it. Not so the city council! At the first meeting of the fall, they vied to out brownie-point each other by suggesting city government wonkery they'd like to transplant here from their vacation spots such as Maine, Cape Cod, and Costa Rica.

Clearly our overly dedicated elected officials did not get enough rest this summer - as further evidenced by the turgid, sometimes tense discussion at the Sept. 2 council meeting.

* * * * * * * * * *

The discussion was about council priorities. This is an ongoing discussion aimed at identifying, . . . you guessed it - council priorities! In July they crafted a general list of vague priorities and now they are trying to fill in the specifics - not something all the councilmembers agree on.

Just wing it!

--Gilbert

PS: Creeping Yuppification Alert: The city is holding a "Sick of Signs" week during the week of September 20 - 27. Residents are urged to tear down and turn in " illegal and unsightly signs." Your Gilbert urges them instead to make multiple copies of The Constitution and Bill of Rights and post them on every telephone pole in town.

Posted by Granola Park at 4:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (4)