Features: Queries for Carrie

Sand, sun and surfing July 2007

Query: Some people call this season ‘Summer.’ I call it ‘Tracking Season.’ It’s sand when we’re at the beach. And it’s dirt and mud when we’re at home. And it’s even worse when we’re visiting the farm where grandma and grandpa live. I know ‘kids will be kids’ and ‘dirt is healthy’ and helps to build young immune systems. Do I really have to be the one to clean up after it for all eternity? Is there an alternative?
-Cinderella on Sixteenth

Carrie: No, you don’t have to be the one to clean up after it for all eternity. Now might be an excellent time to instill “boot porch” manners in your children. You might also begin training them for their futures as independent adults, and “allow” them to help you with the chores.
 jk jk imo But don’t let the drudgery of cleaning up still fall on your lonely shoulders. Let children choose tasks from chore jars sorted for degree of difficulty. Give your kids a chance to do the job right by working with them the first few times to show them what you mean and how to do things well and thoroughly. It will certainly take longer at first. There may well be disasters—the kind that make funny stories when it’s wedding toasting time, but which often involve a plumber or a vacuum-cleaner repairman. Be patient. In very little time, you’ll find yourself possessed of the veriest shoemaker’s elves, and a sparkling clean home to boot.

Query: I’m not this much of a pill all year long, I swear I’m not. I just don’t do well in strong sunlight for prolonged periods of time. So I don’t love the beach. And I don’t want to go kayaking/canoeing/scrambling/orienteering/rappelling during the hot months of the year. It’s hard to get people to hear me. What should I say?
-Burnt on Burnett

Carrie: You can use the time-honored formula so much touted by my betters throughout the etiquette and advice circles: “No, thank you.” Resist the temptation to explain yourself. Repeat patiently until your would-be tormentors are satisfied that no amount of teasing or whining will bring you around. This technique also works when you’re being offered food for which you don’t care, a social appointment or volunteer opportunity that doesn’t appeal, and it’s especially effective with telephone solicitors. Use it with impunity, assurance and relief.

Query: My brother is so weird. While my parents are at work, he’s on the internet. While they’re asleep he’s on the internet. And he’s on the internet when they’re home, too. I’m not a tattle-tale. But I don’t think they know how much of the time he’s busy on myspace and facebook. Should I tell Mom and Ma how he’s spending his summer vacation?
-Curious on Cockerille

Carrie: You could tell your brother that if he doesn’t (fill in the blank with: do your chores, pay you money, leave alone/get together with your best friend, whatever imagination and fancy may dictate) stop—or at least cut back—that you will be forced to tell the powers that be.
 Screen addictions, whether that be the TV, DVDs, video games, or internet use, are becoming more common in our culture all the time. No one seems to know quite what to do about them either. Like eating disorders, the ranks of the screen-compulsed are growing by leaps and bounds.
The screens are necessary to most forms of employment. They’re also becoming more and more integrated into daily life (how did we used to find out when the movie played, or whatever happened to Bela Lugosi?). Your brother may find himself in a hard place when it comes to reconnecting with flesh-and-blood peers. He may find himself physically debilitated from not going out and getting real exercise. He may find that his interests in the mundane world aren’t as satisfying as those in the hopped-up, hyped up world of the Information Superhighway.
Do the kid a favor. Spill your guts to your parents. He won’t love you better for your intervention this year. But five years from now, he’ll be able to hold a real conversation with real people and share in their real interests. Your trouble will have been worth it.