Features

	Family diplomacy & budget vacation plans July 2006

Query: My dad's been diagnosed with prostate cancer. He's got a good medical team, but a few complications in the mix. My sister is in Italy for the summer, studying with a really good program. Dad doesn't want her to worry, or miss this opportunity; he's asked us all not to tell her what's up. But she's got e-mail access, and a cell phone. I think it's too much to keep quiet, too many people know about his condition. Plus, it's not fair to her that we leave her in the dark, right?

—Conflicted on Conway

Carrie: It's difficult to want to respect your father's wishes, whilst keeping your sister in the loop regarding the health of her loved ones. Try reminding your dad of those technological communications assists that have virtually dissolved distance and time-lags. Your sister might feel better, after the fact, if she can be included in working with everyone through this family crisis.

Even if she's high strung, and apt to overreact to this piece of bad news, she ought to be allowed to participate in supporting him and being supported by the rest of the community. Because you're exactly right--it's too big a secret to keep.

After all, if she should get home (still in the dark) and find your dad in a worse condition than he is right now, she wouldn't be out of line being extremely angry with everyone who had colluded to protect her from the facts of the matter.

Query: I'm vacationing this summer with friends whose means exceed my own. We chose a destination where we could spend a lot, or manage our time and our resources carefully enough not to have to be opening our wallets all the time. I don't want to dwell on my financial situation during our holiday. But I really can't afford to spend over my budget. What can I do to manage this potentially awkward situation?

—Broke on Bonifant

Carrie: Careful planning early on will save you stress and dollars later. Sit down with your traveling companions and start blocking out time for scenic walks or bike rides, museum and park visits, quaint local eateries, and street festivals that may occur during your visit in the area. Track down summer theaters with mid-week ticket discounts. Look for coupon books or blanket passes that provide reduced admissions fees to attractions on your list of things to do.

Take responsibility for helping to locate somewhere affordable to stay. Use the internet to value shop: remembering to apply whatever AAA/frequent flyer miles/credit card points/travel-accommodations partnering plans in effect to lower the cost of lodging through discounts.

House swaps can reduce holiday overhead dramatically; and short-term apartment lets are often markedly cost-effective as compared to hotels or motels. Both of the above options also allow your party to spend less money by preparing a number of meals there instead of having to eat out three times a day.

Budget traveling takes a little more time up front, but feels more rewarding when you contemplate the bang you get for your buck without having to go into debt. May you enjoy fruitful, and frugal, research results.

Query: I have a side gig where I make good money working a traveling concession stand several weekends through the summer. One of my co-workers works in a "real" restaurant kitchen during the week. He sports much attitude about that and treats the rest of us like we aren't worth the time of day. Worse than that, he's really lazy when he works with us. We end up doing half his job every time, and his entire share of the clean-up. Plus, he makes us slow down when we're finishing up, because he wants to get paid for more time. I'm not all that important to the business (he's gigged with them for years), and I hardly know my bosses--should I just give up and leave the job or what?

—Disgusted on Domer

Carrie: If he's not a relative of the bosses, they might be surprised, but ultimately grateful to hear your assessment of your co-worker. Obviously, they can't be everywhere at once and are likely to be ignorant of the true situation if the receipts and time sheets aren't too far off what they expect. No one likes acting the tattle-tale, but the owners of your weekend gig are probably losing other good workers like you who can't tolerate being paired with a supercilious slacker.

Document specific instances of his attitude and laziness, noting the date, time, and exact circumstances/words to the best of your ability. This will carry more weight with management than vague allegations and intimations about general conditions can.

Be prepared to face your co-worker in a meeting where your bosses are present: one still ought to have the right to face one's accuser. If you like the work, fight to make the job worth working.