Queries for Carrie

	Drop the dime, dollars, and drama

Query: I met this cool person, and we got to talking and ran into each other a couple of times last autumn. I want to become a friend to this person, we run in (slightly) overlapping social circles. But I didn't call her when I'd said I would. It's been months. Given the size of this town, I know I'll be running back into her. Help, it's awkward, what can I do? I still think she's cool and worth knowing, but time got away from me.

--Slack on Sligo

Carrie: Time and circumstance have a way of carrying off our best intentions with startling, but reliable irregularity. As it happens, the people in this town have a reputation, and a habit, of staying busy, busy, busy. Whether they're wonking away downtown or saving the unborn, differently-advantaged whales, pretty much everyone is hip-to-chin deep in their daily endeavors. This has happy consequences for you.

Social obligations have a flexibility in modern times that they lacked in the less hectic era of the afternoon call and invitations hand-delivered by the footman. Relax your own awareness of the letter of the law regarding niceties, and make contact with your future good friend. She'll undoubtedly be delighted to hear from you, and relieved that she wasn't the one to drop the ball.

Query: I'm trying to sell my house more or less as is, and my helpful sister-in-law is sending prospective buyers--by phone--hand over fist. Concurrently, I'm moving time zones, buying a house there, and seeing one of my parents into a full-care facility whilst managing the estate of the other. Can I just say that I'm going a little crazy here? I don't have time for all this. Soon, I won't even be around to see to all the roof repairing and basement sealing and yard regrading and so forth. What can I do?

--Overwhelmed on Osage

Carrie: Run, don't walk, to the nearest licensed real estate agent. Sign a fair contract, and put all those preventable woes behind you. You already have your hands, and every other extremity, full of the things requiring your attention and energy. Get a trained professional to do what s/he does best on your behalf. Lose the money from the commission, but gain peace of mind. Given the housing market, any commission skimmed from the sale of your home will be off-set by an advantageous settlement enhanced by the greater number of contracts offered on your property--customary benefits of acquiring an agent of one's own. No matter what the condition of your gingerbread house, an agent may find a bidding war waiting to happen. Rejoice in how little you really have to do to be done with this old house of yours.

As soon as you have an agent under contract, send a handful of her/his business cards to your sister-in-law. Take yourself out of the loop as completely, and quickly, as possible. You'll be able to focus then on your present and your future instead of the house here, which represents your past.

Query: My daughter's starting the summer off with a bang. She breaks curfew. She talks back. She dresses for easy access. At this point, she's grounded 'til midway through August. Is there anything I can do to salvage our summer? Now she drags around the house all the time. It's almost more punishment for me than for her.

--Demoralized on Darwin

Carrie: It sounds like your daughter is old enough to become acquainted with the joys of volunteering this summer. And it equally sounds as though she has the energy to burn that might be best used in some productive fashion, rather than in an Achillean-scaled sulk. You're the parent and sometimes it's expedient to move the goal posts for the good of the whole family. Reset the restrictions this summer, on the condition that she (with your good-faith help) find and retain a position somewhere that will not only fulfill some of her community service hours requirements, but also encourage her to practice old skills and/or learn new ones.

Are there people in the hospital who need their get-well cards read to them? Old folks who need their newspapers read? Regional authorities who need interns to remove invasive plants from our parks? ESL and literacy centers that need child care assistants? Public Defenders who need their files photocopied and filed? Community day-camps that need junior counselors? Veterinarians or animal shelters that need cages cleaned?

Work with your daughter to find something for her to do that will both challenge her, and let her play to her strengths and engage her interests. She may continue to be a pill when she's home, but it won't be all the time, anyway.