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Accommodations, academics and annual atonements
January, 2005 |
Query: My father likes to have everyone down to his mountain home in South Carolina for the holidays. It's a big house, with several bathrooms, so there's plenty of space and no lines. But my dad ran out of money when he was building this thing, so the floors have been raw plywood for more than five years, and the bathrooms still have no doors (though they got drywall two years ago). I can't afford to stay at even a motel for a week, and I like seeing my family every year, but I'm really tired of the accommodations. Is there anything I can or should do?
--Drafty on Devon
Carrie: Run out and find a collapsible curtain rod, and an old, lined shower curtain. Bring these to your father's house and set them up, so that you create the illusion of privacy during those private moments we all enjoy in our bathrooms. Not a lot can be said if your father just doesn't have the money to buy even doors for bathrooms. If it's a matter of poor prioritization of resources, maybe seeing your valiant shower curtain will do the trick. Ditto if he's simply so acclimated that he no longer sees that his bathrooms aren't enclosed.
Maybe one of your relatives will bring a baby this year or next. It takes re-experiencing the closeness that little crawlers have with the floor to remember how gnarly a surface plywood is for tender hands and knees. You might also put your head together with those of other dissatisfied relatives to dream up an acceptable alternative location for your festivities next year. Maybe it's time for someone else to play host.
Query: I can't stand my college. It sucks. It's nothing like what I thought it would be. And I can't get into any of the classes I want either. But my parents paid up through the end of the year. I hate it there. I want out. They would kill me if I just dropped out. What do I do?
--Bumming on Break
Carrie: Most institutions of higher education have substantial penalties for withdrawing pre-paid tuition, and early deadlines for completing the paper trail required to give you back your money. If they allow you to retrieve your funds at all, that is. Find out what your college's policy is. If you cannot manage to hang on until the end of this academic year, then you need to have a concrete plan to repay your parents the money they will lose by your withdrawal from school.
To be specific, spend the rest of your break on the Internet and on the phone with the bursar's office. Spend all the rest of your time seeking employment, using all your skills in networking, goal-setting and object-achieving, plus whatever advice you can find in any useful book (along the lines of Job Hunting for Dummies). That way, you'll have a decent résumé at the very least.
Once you've had a good look at the working world, you may well decide to jump back into higher education as quickly as possible. So re-research the college market and ask the kinds of questions that will allow you to find a place you do want to be to continue your educational process. Good luck.
Query: Why can't New Year's resolutions be fun? Why can't we resolve to have more picnics, or go on more dates with our partners, or get rid of the ugly wallpaper in the bathroom? Why does it have to be about sin and vice and self-improvement of the most puritanical order?
--Curious on Kennebec
Carrie: You have no formal reason why you couldn't resolve to have more fun, take more satisfaction from daily life, or keep learning and growing every day. But we do live in a culture with some prominent puritanical bones supporting much of the common tradition. With all that jollity available at New Year's, you can almost hear the nation's stringent moral fiber calling out for us to stiffen our backbones and get the most out of the grimmest season of the year.
Generally, the aftermath of all that holiday excess usually seems like a good vantage point for beginning a journey based on principles of austerity and abnegation. By the time the first of the year rolls around, everyone is sick of rich food, presents, fine clothes, and large, noisy gatherings. Now is an excellent time to take stock of your wardrobe of habits in order to pare them to their most functional essentials.
Equally, you might also resolve to make one joyful resolution for each dour one. Or ditch the discipline and responsibility focus of this single point of the year altogether. Try harder all year round in little ways, and all your resolutions may be as frivolous or indulgent as your clear conscience will allow.
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