Answers from the Advice Goddess
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"Once upon a time in Old Town"
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Query: Why are people so rude when there’s
so little parking in Old Town? I was waiting for someone to
pull out of a space in that lot behind the post office and
this creep–I won’t give a more lengthy description–came
whipping round the corner, going the wrong way in a one way
zone, and snatched that spot from right under me. What gives?
How much home training can one person miss and still grow
to adulthood?
–Pissed Off in the Parking Lot
Carrie: Here in The People’s Republic of Takoma
Park proper, there’s enough of a feeling of small town
sensibilities that few of the natives would be likely to risk
that degree of anti-social behavior. It’s too easy to
find that you’ve taken your neighbor’s spot, or
pulled a fast one on your spiritual leader or your child’s
teacher. But folks from the big, bad outside world necessarily
have little compunction about indulging in the great urban
sport of parking space sharking. For them, it’s only
Darwinism at its most essential–no malice intended. Try
not to carry road rage from the experience. Instead, thank
your lucky stars that you live in such an idyllic community
that these occurrences are nearly as rare as they are awful.
Query: I was in one of those cute boutiques downtown
shopping for tchotchkes when I noticed a woman with two small
children come into the shop. The little one in the backpack
was having a crying fit, shrieking and howling and jerking
around. That woman just ignored the poor baby, and ignored
how much her offspring were ruining the shopping experience
for everyone else in the store. Is this some kind of hippie,
free-love, child rearing technique? Why don’t people
show more sensitivity? Shouldn’t this be the season of
giving and peace?
–Appalled from Arlington
Carrie: I can tell that you’re not a parent yourself,
Arlington. As it turns out, once a child has descended into
full-on tantrum mode, there’s a period of about 19-24
minutes where the emotional condition simply needs to run
its course. This is only a fact of nature. I imagine that
the child’s caretaker knows about this tiny piece of
life’s complex biorhythms and knew enough to let the
baby get on with getting the fury out of her/his system.
However, I do sympathize with the effect that this display
may have had on your focus and enjoyment while you were out
doing your bit to support the economy. Certainly, in the best
of all possible worlds, one wouldn’t have to listen to
other people’s screaming children, cell phone conversations,
or upper respiratory conditions. Life in these United States
turns out to be more egalitarian than that. Take a few deep
breaths the next time you’re in proximity to one of the
unavoidable aural inconveniences of life and be glad that
you’re on the side of the angels in your contributions
to the social discourse and decibel levels.
Query: Some "friends" of mine were sitting
together at the Farmer’s Market. I came up from behind
them to say hello. But I didn’t. They were talking about
something someone had written about me in her ‘blog.
It was mean and they were laughing about it. Do I still have
to be nice to them, or the girl who wrote that? My parents
won’t let me keep a ‘blog. So I can’t even
get back at them.
–Laughed at on Laurel
Carrie: Ouch. That’s about as low as it can get.
I won’t make excuses for the people you overheard talking.
I won’t even remind you that eavesdroppers–no matter
how unintentionally they earn the name–rarely hear good
spoken of themselves. You don’t need to continue to be
friends with the person with the poison keyboard, or the people
who enjoyed repeating her slanderous scurrility (as it undoubtedly
was).
Equally, you don’t need to exact vengeance on that so-called
person. She’ll find that her venomous observations leave
her without much in the way of companionship if she keeps
up with her posted likes and dislikes for much longer. The
lost social art of discretion promises that we can move with
poise throughout the world and retain the high regard of others
mostly by keeping our mouths shut when something unpleasant
about our acquaintances and peers occurs to us, and those
around us. Refrain from spreading counter-dirt about the one
who offended you, and you’ll eventually be rewarded with
loyal, caring, life-long friends when she’s surrounded
by a pack of vicious harpies who’d be as happy tearing
her apart as working on any other scrap of gossip.
As ever, living well continues to be the best revenge. Live
to the top of your bent!
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