Answers from the Advice Goddess
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For a fistful of dollars
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Query: My mom makes me help out our neighbor all
the time. She's old, so I have to mow her lawn and rake her
leaves and help her with her trash and like that. And I have
to do those chores at my house too. I told Mom I should get
paid for the stuff I do for our neighbor. She's nice and everything.
But I should be able to spend my time how I want to. Or get
paid for spending it how she wants me to. Right?
–Exploited on Eastern
Carrie: Not really. Once again, I have to come down
on the side of community over commerce. Helping out your neighbor
makes it possible for her to continue to live where and as
she has with more comfort and fewer worries. One day, about
a million years from now when you're as old as she is,
you'll be thankful for those thoughtful neighbors who
send the kids over to help you out with the tasks that are
beyond the physical limitations of old age. What goes around
really does come around.
If you want a quicker return on your investment of energy,
start up a program to pair kids your age with older folks
who need chores done. With a little planning, you'll
have a fabulous community service project started, and you'll
be able to get enough people involved that you may be able
to share your chore load and make new friends along the way.
In any case, kudos to your mom for insisting on keeping community
karma flowing freely.
Query: I've been working at this cool store for
a couple of years and I'm already an assistant manager even
though I'm only sixteen. I hired my best friend to work there
this summer. She really needs the job so she can save for
college. But she came late, or called in 'sick,' or left early
and talked to friends on the phone every shift. I don't know
what to do. She'll be mad if I fire her. But if I don't it
makes everything I do at work harder, because she isn't helping
at all.
–Bumming on Birch
Carrie: Friends and money hardly ever mix well. Sometimes
this can be a really painful lesson to learn, and learn again.
It's hard to believe that people you like and trust feel
it's ok to abuse that closeness and take advantage of
you.
But your friend probably doesn't look at the situation
like that at all. She may feel that she's only ripping
off the owners of the store, and not you–after all, you're
not the manager. She may not have thought about how your workload
is affected by her productivity. Maybe she isn't cut
out to work in that kind of environment, and doesn't
want to admit it to herself since she needs the money.
Try talking to her about what she would rather be doing.
Make it a hypothetical question: if you could do anything
you wanted to make money, what would you choose? Try to narrow
the fantasy answer into a reality friendly version and help
her start a job search. This experience may help you to change
your practices when you're helping to hire. Be happy
you've had a chance to learn such a fundamental lesson
so early in your wage-earning cycle.
Query: My partner's obsessed with the debt
I brought into our relationship, nevermind that I've
also brought assets, caring, listening and great cooking skills
along as well. I admit my finances got away from me a few
years back. I've gotten proactive about managing the
debt, lowering the financing costs and reducing the principle,
but it doesn't seem to be enough. She wants to save up
more to retire it faster by never eating out, only watching
second run movies, buying everything used, etc.
I can't tell you how Dickensian, or even draconian,
her methods seem to me. What can I do to moderate her money
issues?
–Grasshopper on Greenwood
Carrie: Do you all have plans to buy a home together,
or some other big ticket purchase looming? Maybe she does,
but hasn't been clear with you about them. Or maybe she
has an old fashioned attitude about debt. Maybe she's
anxious that you start building a broader retirement portfolio
so that you can be comfortable in your golden years together.
Or maybe she's a compulsive tightwad.
Maybe it's only a definition of terms that's stymied
the two of you. If you grew up thinking a second mortgage
on the house and minimum payments to credit cards every month
is the norm, then more prudent money management systems may
seem reactive to you. If her motives are truly so inscrutable,
and your debt load is actually reasonable, seek counseling.
There are lots of therapists who specialize in couples'
money issues, find and make use of one to preserve your domestic
tranquillity.
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