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Answers
from the Advice Goddess |
| Privacy,
planning, planting |
Query:
My mother's no longer living, and I don't have children
of my own. Mother's Day was one of my mother's favorite
holidays. These last few years, I've spent the day at
home, looking through my keepsakes and photo albums. I have
a feeling that I could/should do more with the day than keep
it to myself. That was not the way my mother brought me up.
How can
I bring more to the spirit of the day, now that I'm ready?
—Interested
on Elson
Carrie:
Whether your mother's passed on, not located locally
or even if you're estranged, you can still observe the
day itself. If you can't give your own mother personal
recognition for carrying the human race forward a generation,
you can still make your curtsies to the greater, enduring
institution of motherhood any number of ways.
Perhaps
you'd like to visit at a senior's community on the
day. Or take a volunteer childcare shift at a shelter for
homeless women. Start training to do clinic defenses, to help
keep the proportion of chosen children high, ensuring better
lives for little ones and a better future for us all.
If you'd
like to keep your observances more personal, hire a couple
of reliable sitters to watch the kids, and invite your girlfriends
over for a long brunch. Then help them shepherd the kids through
the zoo/museum/park for the rest of the day. You might help
an overworked, single mom out by running errands for her for
the day. Or you could organize a big picnic through your faith
group (or other affinity circle) to help everyone avoid the
expense and stress of restaurant dining on that busiest of
days. That should be enough of a sampler of suggestions to
get you started on your own new tradition of celebration.
Query:
Why do we always have to go visit grandma every vacation?
I like the beach best of all, but we never go because we have
to go see her again and again. If we went to the beach, she
could come and see us there. Couldn't she?
—Wondering
on Willow
Carrie:
Since I don't know the particulars, I may have to guess
at some of the answers to your questions. It may be that your
grandma doesn't feel well most, or all of the time. If
that's the case, it could be painful or frightening for
her to travel very far. Your grandma may have others to care
for whom she can't very easily leave (like a grandpa
or farm animals).
Maybe
your parents don't have a lot of money to spend at vacation
time, so they choose to take you to visit your closest relatives
instead of going somewhere where they'd have to pay for
where you sleep and what you eat every meal.
But maybe
you're onto something. A change of scene is hardly a
change if you do the same thing every time. Talk to your parents
about planning for something different that can include grandma,
if that's a possibility. You could swap your house, close
to the fabulous sights and activities of Washington, DC for
someone else's house at a beach. You might be able to
find a good campsite near a beach, or arrange to spend time
with a friend whose family goes to the beach every summer,
and then invite that friend to come with you to visit your
grandma. You could even help organize a trip with your scouting
group. Enlist your whole community in finding a fresh solution
to the question of where to go for summer vacation.
Query:
The only part of our rental property that gets any regular
sun is out front. I'd love to have a vegetable garden
this summer, but someone told me it's against the law
to have a vegetable garden in the front yard. Can this silly
ordinance be true?
—Confounded
on Chicago
Carrie:
I'm not sure if the ordinance applies to homeowners,
but I know it does for renters. Because of the inspection
cycle for renters, if your place was inspected last year,
you won't see an official this year unless someone lodges
a complaint, which is unlikely. On the other hand, having
a veggie garden out front is a viable reason for an extra
inspection: what a nasty little catch twenty-two.
Perhaps
you might go to the trouble of setting up a container garden
and window boxes, with flowers and veggies cleverly mixed
in every pot, so that the arrangements looks decorative rather
than nutritious. Plant marigolds with climbing tomatoes; beans
and nasturtiums; Brussels sprouts with creeping thyme; peppers
with potatoes; zucchini with leeks or garlic (or any of the
allium family). Use aesthetic contrasts of texture and color
and no one will suspect you're doing anything besides
beautifying your rental–and isn't that what true
code
enforcement
goals should be all about?
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