July 2007 Archives

I was discussing my list of traits that make staying at home with kids easier with some friends. I asked each one what they thought was a useful trait. The one who is way laid back, a dancer and choreographer, always three steps ahead of me at playing it by ear, said something like, "Being very controlling." Meaning of the food, the behavior, that sort of thing. Our friend who runs a very tight ship, always tidy, reasonable schedule, immense knowledge of where to buy which supplies and how much they should cost, said something like, "You have to jettison your type A personality."

I had to agree with both of them, and yet I was struck that each person identified a trait that is opposite to their natural tendencies as a key useful trait. I think this underlines why parenting is such a powerful way to burst through perceived limitations. Whatever you think of as "yourself," you soon are willing to jettison. The work is so totally demanding, and the stakes the highest you've played for, that if you are a go with the flow person and you see the need for more order, you'll come up with more order. If you are a type-A person and you see the need for more laxness, you'll go with that flow. And in either case, one finds vistas opening up, and enhanced experience of freedom---the old ideas of what kind of person you are just don't really matter. They don't help get things done, and when burst through, whatever fears the limiting ideas covered up aren't substantial compared to getting dinner on the table, playing games, soothing hurt people, or whatever the task is.

Montgomery County is famous for being a fairly conscious-of-the-environment sort of place. It's the sort of place where when I first met my local county councilmember he had biked to my house, and where you run into some elected officials at the healthy food coop, and even more at the Whole Paycheck Healthy Food store. So, unlike when I was a child, we try to justify not wasting so much not with an appeal to "hungry people in China" but with "God wants us to save the beautiful things that have evolved in this lovely planet." Sometimes the phrases aren't phrased so well.

When my eldest child was just a few months old, I went to the Library with her, for the excellent Tuesday morning room, and there they gave us a little packet of stuff they have for new parents, which included Rosemary Wells' book "Read to your Bunny." This lovely book (Rosemary Wells is a great writer and painter of children's books, I've never regretted reading or getting any of them) begins with the injunction "Read to your bunny" and ends with the prediction "and one day your bunny will read to you."

I don't think staying at home with your kids is necessary, although I personally have trouble understanding people that make other choices :) However, if you are considering taking on the SAHP task/lifestyle, it is probably useful to know that it is a rather specialized sort of work environment.

Here's a beautifully written local blog: Momma Dharma

Here's a funny but slightly practical blog of parenting tips: Parent Hacks

Here's a very funny blog by an attachment parenting writer: Catherine Newman

Sorry this is a bit off topic, but it turns out that there is an interesting online community of people writing about the intersection of Zen and parenting. As I've posted on the takomapakk list, I have been receiving training in Zen for a while, and I do find it helpful as a parent. But I'm really posting this because I have a chance to win a free book by my favorite current author, Karen Maezen Miller. (There is a contest here about defining what Zen is, implicitly in a parenting context). So if this hasn't convinced you to check out the latest Hathor comic, read on....