EmoryLuceBaldwin_100.jpgby Emory Luce Baldwin

Emory is now using a new format for "The Heart of Parenting" and will be responding to reader's questions. If you would like to submit a question to her, you can e-mail her at Emory@emorylucebaldwin.com.

I have twin daughters who are 3 ½ years old. They are wonderful, of course. But there is one thing that bothers me. One of my twins tends to bully the other, who immediately cries and comes to get me. When I intervene, the first one ignores me and continues pushing and shoving, and the other keeps screaming. It's chaos. Help!

-- Bullying Sisters on Baltimore Avenue

EmoryLuceBaldwin_100.jpgby Emory Luce Baldwin

Emory is now using a new format for "The Heart of Parenting" and will be responding to reader's questions. If you would like to submit a question to her, you can e-mail her at Emory@emorylucebaldwin.com.

Dear Emory,
It seems like I'm always hearing about how important it is "to talk to your children," but has anyone told the kids that they are supposed to talk to us? Both of my children are in school now, and I always ask them when I get home, "How was your day?"--but every day I hear the same thing: "Fine." And when I ask, "Well, what happened?" they always say, "Nothing."
I hope you can help us, because we are

-- Not Communicating on Cedar

School Scene

by Sue Katz Miller

A Montgomery County Public Schools teacher admitted to her class recently that she dreads March. This month features an unusual stretch of four straight weeks with no holiday interruptions, punctuated only by the bleak days of Maryland School Assessments (MSAs). For parents, this is often the time of year when we finally get a handle on what is going on in the school system, and there is a corresponding rise in outrage about lack of transparency and lack of what staff refer to as "parent stakeholder input."
Budget transparency

New school board member Laura Berthiaume had the guts to cast a dissenting vote on the school budget. She objected to the fact that the Board appears to simply rubber stamp the budget drawn up by MCPS and pass it on to the County Council, only making changes at the end of the process in the spring, when the budget is basically set. Berthiaume ran on a platform of greater school budget transparency. She explained her renegade vote this way: "If the Board will not do its job, then I will cast my vote against the budget because I believe we have a job to do." Of course, insiders are calling her naïve. The citizens who elected her in November are thrilled and gratified.


Q & A with Paul Weckstein

by Sue Katz Miller

photo by Julie Wiatt

PaulWeckstein.jpgUnder the Obama administration, will there be substantive changes to the powerful federal legislation known as No Child Left Behind (NCLB)?

As Co-Director of the Center for Law and Education, Takoma Park resident Paul Weckstein helped to mold that law. His work has involved mild-mannered policy wonking, but also acting up and suing the government. Weckstein sat down with Voice columnist Sue Katz Miller to discuss the benefits and flaws of NCLB.

How did you end up as a lawyer working in education?

I started law school as an activist in 1969, but without a notion of being a lawyer in any traditional sense. In fact, after my first year I left and went to work in a mental hospital and was all set to go into a clinical psych program, when I thought of synthesizing law and education and returned for joint degrees in the two. I started working at the Center for Law and Education as an intern while still in school. I moved here in 1981 to open a DC office to give the Center a presence on federal policy.

EmoryLuceBaldwin_100.jpgby Emory Luce Baldwin

Beginning with this column, Emory is using a new format for "The Heart of Parenting" and will be responding to reader's questions. If you would like to submit a question for her, you can e-mail her at Emory@emorylucebaldwin.com.

Dear Emory:
We're expecting our second daughter in a couple months, at which point our first will be 21 months old. She seems very young to try to prepare her for her new sister, but is there anything we can be doing now to ease the transition?

-- "Expecting"

Being a parent

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I have read a lot of biography and often
people wrote sentences like: "my parents never let me go into their room after some point, figuring I was too old to really need comfort any more. That was the end of the protected world of childhood."

I have read a lot of parenting essays and often people wrote sentences like: "we thought we would never get them out of our room, but we just said one night, 'you have to sleep in your bed now' and after two nights, they stayed."

I have read a lot of childhood abuse memoir where people tell their parents about horrific experiences and the parents say "why didn't you tell me? I had no idea!"

I have had a lot of conversations with people from large families who sung praises to benign neglect, and who were quite certain that our labor intensive parenting styles will make it far harder for our children to know themselves realistically.

You cannot win. The balance lies before us but staying balanced between Scylla and Charibdis is difficult even with enough sleep and a supportive society.

All you can do is pay your money, make your choices and watch your kids grow into the fullness of their specific humanity. Life is imperfect, dangerous, has an unhappy ending in the best case, and is such an impossibly wondrerous experience to share with your successors.

My daughter has recently started to opt out of my evening reading sessions, preferring to read to herself. Was I proud? No. I was annoyed. I haven't finished my list of important things to read to her. But I have transmitted my own prickly independent style of learning, for better or for worse not being an issue. She is herself. I am myself. She is my kid. She also gets in half trouble for staying up late reading, as I did from my book loving mother. I can't wait to see what happens tonight when the trolley ride is over.


Rffff


-- Posted from a Cell Phone

Check out Blair blogs

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Two Blair students are blogging for the Voice.

PeteVolk.jpgPete Volk began writing about the Thunderbolts this past summer and has continued to follow the Blazers during the school year. If you want to find out the latest game stats and read expert analysis, go to http://www.silverspringvoice/takomasilversports.

Pete is a Blair senior, currently puzzling over which college has the best program for a budding sports reporter.


GemmaDEustachio_82.jpgGemma D'Eustachio has taken over "Inside Blair," the column that has been a franchise of the Kohn and Wolf families--until now. You can read Gemma's thoughts on high school and beyond at http://www.takoma.com/insideblair.

Gemma is a junior at Montgomery Blair High School. In her sophomore year, she joined the Voice team and has filed several impressive articles already. We look forward to reading her blog.

-- Eric Bond (editor)

Phone call from the end of the day

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So I just got off of the phone from the other three members of the family. Big sis states we erred in creating little bro. Little bro asks if I wondered where my Power Rangerish bike helmet, last seen in his arms this morning, went. My beloved life partner wondering if I was wearing some helmet at least and perhaps a bit of query as to my arrival time. Being an inflexible 60 minutes away I can only listen to the various yelled disputes and work out how I can walk in and save the lot of them with a few heroic acts and some calm words of acknowledgement and encouragement. Then the pasta. At least that is my current plan.

It is so odd to walk in, a bit tired between the new job and the rushed tho fun bike rides, and have no idea what the day has been like. How does everyone do this?

-- Posted from a Cell Phone

Back again

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ChrisAustin-Lane_100.jpgReport from (the other) bay by Chris Austin Lane We are settled in to the West Coast, and the adventure of parenting goes on. I won't be able to share any new spots on the Potomac, nor how to deal with the cold weather or the inauguration madness (which we read about wistfully). California is very different from Maryland, and the ex-urbs are very different than Takoma Park. For instance, I bike by a yard of sheep on the way to the Metro, which is called the trolley. I have transformed into one of those Dads that are gone for like 60 hours a week and is all peppy and enthusiastic on our Saturday expeditions to the many wonderful places we have found in the Bay area. We have moved twice and the kids compare everything to Maryland, as do I.
EmoryLuceBaldwin_100.jpgby Emory Luce Baldwin

Teaching children basic good manners and courtesy is not that different from teaching a child how to ride a bike or how to make their own sandwich. Children learn very well from the consequences of "what works" and "what doesn't work" in social situations inside, and outside, of the home.

Most parents I know would like their child to "be good," but what is good behavior exactly? Is it responsibility? Is it acting thoughtfully? Or is it cooperation? In general, most parents consider children well behaved when their behavior does not create problems for family members or interfere with the family's ability to live well together. Any one person's act of rudeness or selfishness, for instance, may be directed at only one other member of the family. But, the whole family is going to suffer when a member of the family consistently behaves in a rude or selfish way.

Piney Branch Pool lives again

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Extraordinary cooperation brings back hidden gem

suekatzmiller_100.jpgSchool Scene

by Sue Katz Miller
photos by Julie Wiatt


This month, the Piney Branch Pool, the only public indoor pool in Montgomery County inside the beltway open to families, opens its doors once again. A Grand Opening was scheduled for January 6th, with a plan for local officials to jump into the pool. Adventist Community Services of Greater Washington (ACSGW) will oversee the pool operations, filling the role left open when the YMCA shut down the pool 16 months ago. For the latest on pool hours and program scheduling, go to http://acsgw.org/pool.htm.

 

webmayor_MrGenerlette_poolballs.jpg
Mayor Bruce Williams and Piney Branch principal Bertram Generlette ("Mr G") took the plunge to celebrate the reopening of the pool. 

Children, race, education

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suekatzmiller_100.jpg

School Scene

by Sue Katz Miller

A few weeks before we elected Barack Obama as President, I happen to be walking the empty downtown streets of Birmingham, Alabama, with my husband, teenage daughter, and 11-year-old son, en route to the Civil Rights Institute. We are in town for a wedding, and my son is complaining about having to spend a sunny afternoon in a dark museum. I explain that he needs to understand more deeply the history of race in America, Jim Crow, the Ku Klux Klan, and the ghosts that haunt Birmingham. Then my son turns to me and asks, "What's the Ku Klux Klan?"

EmoryLuceBaldwin_100.jpgby Emory Luce Baldwin

Understanding differences in temperaments can help parents appreciate their child's unique way of interacting with their family and their world. Interestingly, researchers have found that the personalities or temperaments children have inherited are not necessarily fixed for life. Even the most strong-willed or anxious child can grow and learn how to compromise or face life courageously.

Claire has her grandmother's brown eyes, Gus has a slender build and shy personality like his birth father; Melissa is stocky and energetic with a solid build like her father; and Jake is thoughtful and curious, much like his Mom. All of our children have inherited both physical and personality characteristics that influence their appearance, their abilities, their relationships, and even their interests in life.

Some of the most important biological attributes we inherit are our personality traits, also known as temperament. Differences in temperament styles have an influence upon how each of us perceives the world, and subsequently influence how we interact with each other. Much like different spices and herbs season the food we eat, our various temperaments provide different flavors to our unique personalities and subsequently influence how we experience and interpret the world.

suekatzmiller_100.jpgSchool Scene

by Sue Katz Miller

A nightmare budget is looming, and a long shadow creeps over our school system. Unions may have to renegotiate their contracts and accept smaller increases. We may have to fight to keep transportation for our kids to get to school. We will certainly have to fight for smaller class sizes, parent outreach services, special education programming, gifted programming, greener schools, healthier school lunches, and anything else that might cost money.

In the meantime, here are a few quick fixes to improve our schools without necessarily spending more money. All of these strategies are being used at some, but not all, Montgomery County Public Schools (MCPS). We need the Board of Education and MCPS to make sure these affordable innovations are reaching all of our students. We can and must keep improving our schools, even in lean times.


heavybookbags.jpg


These kids need yoga! ...after lugging around such heavy backpacks all day.

Photo by Julie Wiatt

EmoryLuceBaldwin_100.jpgby Emory Luce Baldwin

Every family has its own stories about hardship. Every story provides a lesson for parents to teach their children about courage, optimism and survival...These stories are your children's heritage, and they can feel proud to know that they have inherited a history of courage, resilience, and optimism.

Various newscasters and analysts have referred to the recent disaster in the investment and banking markets as an "Economic Tsunami." It seems certain that all of us will eventually be affected by this economic downturn, in one way or another. Some families are already having a hard time, and other families may still experience lost employment, foreclosures, higher energy prices and less income down the road.

EmoryLuceBaldwin_100.jpgby Emory Luce Baldwin 

"Why did I like being frightened? What instinctive need is satisfied by terror? Why, indeed, do children like stories about bears, wolves and witches? Is it because something rebels in one against the life that is too safe? Is a certain amount of danger in life a need of human beings?...Do you instinctively need something to combat, to overcome -- to, as it were, prove yourself? Take away the wolf from the story of Red Riding Hood and would any child enjoy it? However, like most things in life, you want to be frightened a little -- but not too much!" -- Agatha Christie

I have lots of great memories of my children dressing up for Halloween trick-or-treating when they were younger. For the first few years, my son always dressed up as some kind of space man hero and my daughter was usually a fairy princess in pink. When they were very young, my kids would sometimes be frightened by the sight of bigger kids trick-or-treating while wearing the more ghoulish costumes. Then, only a few years later, and my son was proudly going trick-or-treating as "a science experiment gone horribly wrong" while his younger sister dressed herself up as "a murdered bride" carrying a bouquet of dead flowers.

What happened?!

Home again?

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I have read that true voyage is return but I what is arriving home when you have never been there and do not know anything? If you have been on the road for so long and are tired of driving,it is pretty sweet. We drove all the way from Tahoe to San Jose via the Golden Gate bridge. We got awesome mileage -52 MPG going 82 miles per hour. We shed 5000 or so feet of altitude in 40 miles . We had to rush because the GPS
said that we would get there 20 minutes before the picnic at the kids' school; sadll
Y the GPS forgot that humans need to eat and use the potty, so we arrived just after the thlend of the picnic. That probably was to the best for the kids as their teachers were STOL l so they could see the classrooms and teachers and not have to deal with the other kiss. Please pardon any bizarre typos. what my. Son calls this hotel but is our new home lacks wifi so I am writing this on my cell phone. More later when we know more.

We crossed over into California at about 6 pm to much yelling, outside voice screaming, honking, high fiving and whooping. And at least for me, much relief that driving is almost done (he wrote as he prepared to take up residence in California). We ate dinner at a very family friendly little restaurant on Lake Tahoe and then my beloved life partner and I, in a pattern that dates back to our undergrad days together, decided to halt our plan to drive late and "get up early and finish it in the morning."

I am actually writing this the next morning, in the tub as I attempt to make myself presentable enough to meet for the first time the parents, teachers and students in the kids new school at a picnic today.

We drove through Utah which really is a lovely place in the northern bits - absoluetly stunning mountains surrounding green valleys with picture perfect rocky rivers. As we left the stripy cliffs, we had to say good bye to the easy access to the layers of rocks that we've enjoyed ever since the Rockies stuck up out of the plain at Denver. As we drove north through Utah, the rates of erosion and plant life visibly increased making the mountains more like the eastern mountains, more round and covered in dirt or rubble and plants.

We stopped at the Salt Lake in the midst of some of the very little rain we've seen so far. I did go out and get some of the water and we all verified that it is indeed a salty lake. We hopped back in the car and drove through these amazing salt flats. They were very impressively odd plains with no signs of living things except for a bunch of elaborately arranged beer bottles spelling out various messages and signs on the side of the road. We gathered a small tupperware of the salt. We drove by a Morton salt factory with huge piles of salt sitting outside, uncovered, in the rain; but there was so much salt it didn't much dissolve and wash away.

We got to Nevada as our impatience started to reach epic levels. My son had to be more or less co-erced into the car after each stop, as he trustingly but futilely used words to tell us that he did not want to get into the car again. My sentiments exactly. Still, he and my daughter both spent several hours napping.

I'm not a good rider on really curvy high mountainous roads, and at some point my beloved life partner was approaching a slow moving truck in the passing lane, and I started in with my hand waving and twitching. She said, "I guess I should slow down" and I was able to quip, "Or I could assume the crash position." We laughed for several minutes at that one, giddy or mad with the anticipated finishing of this great transition between our old life and our new life in California.

It has been feeling like this drive is an appropriate transition - big enough to sever our daily bonds to life in Takoma Park, long enough to explain bodily to each of us why things will be different on the West Coast, and uncomfortable enough to make it easy to find things we like in the new living quarters. A Prius is a bit small to live in for so many hours (when we have to get back in, I mutter to myself, "Initiate Folding Procedure" as I fold my stiff limbs back into the twisted shape they need to fit) but it did only cost us about $300 in gas. And we have seen how interestingly varied this continent is. And we are definietly the four Austin-Lanes now - no home but the shifting platforms we provide one another. Hua!

The reality of that isn't so grand of course - we are at that point of giddiness where pretty much each fart or burp is discussed. When we get into the car, not only is the 3 year old protesting, and the limbs are protesting, the nose protests as well. Whew, this car needs airing out. And of course, we are all cranky enough that it's clear that our new life so close at hand has not left the problems of our old life behind; I can act out my pettiness, stubbornness and inflexibility in the mountains with little humidity and no mosquitoes.

Well, off for what looks like a fairly undramatic drive across California and then our grand entrance accross the Golden Gate bridge (a dramatic florish my beloved life partner has generously allowed me) and then down to Almaden valley to our new lives, filled with all of our old stuff carried along.

EmoryLuceBaldwin_100.jpgby Emory Luce Baldwin 

Lying is, in itself, not a sign that a child doesn't know the difference between right and wrong. Therefore, responding to a child's dishonesty is not an opportunity to teach about the virtues of truthfulness. Instead, what children need to learn the most about dishonesty is that it does not work!

The babysitter sees cookie crumbs sprinkled down Lucy's shirt and chocolate smeared around her mouth. "Tell me the truth: did you eat the cookies we made this morning?" the babysitter asks. Lucy shakes her head tentatively, "no!" "How dare you lie to me?!" her babysitter demands angrily.

Lucy's babysitter thought she was asking a simple question: did you do this or not? Tell the truth! But, Lucy, like many children, was making a rapid calculation. "Is it better to say "Yes, I did something wrong" or "No, I didn't do it"? Naturally, Lucy decided it was better to deny she had done something wrong, and hope that the consequences would be less severe

Four People in a Prius: Day 11: 394 Miles

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i can't get the link because I am writing this on my daughter's One Laptop Per Child computer which I haven't figured out cut and paste on. We drove from a ski resort on US 40 near Boulder just west of the Continental Divide to Price, Utah.

I got up at my normal early hour for zazen, bath and coffee, except it turned out that the coffee maker in this ski resort was deluxe and had a strength knob which was turned to ultra weak, so the coffee was looking a bit weak but drinking the whole pot turned out to have enough caffeine. The hotel we drove to in the dark was in the middle of beautiful but lowish mountains, but near very tall mountains. There is a beetle that is killing all of the pine trees, so the pine tree covered mountains are a strange sort of color, half green and half brown. The family watched Mrs. Doubtfire and then got on the road. I talked my beloved life partner into going back up to the continental divide that we drove over in the dark. However, after driving over it, we decided to go back to I 70 and go that way, and cross the continental divide in a much more dramatic spot with snow that the kids walked down to and played in and a sign to get a photo of them that mirrored the photo of me as a 4 year old at the continental divide. We then sped on by Vail and various other ski places and went through a fabulous canyon. As we got closer to Utah. we got a very heavy rainstorm and gave up on getting back onto 40 and visiting Dinosaur, Colorado settling instead for what turned out to be awesome mesas and cliffs in Utah. The layers of rock are so obvious, and the mountains are all different colors with the layers at different angles.

We ate lunch at a very child-friendly place called the hard rock cafe; we walked around a stream and bought cowboy boots for the kids. They are pretty cute, and my son has no shoes that he likes and fit him. We had dinner at a great restaurant in Price. Very family friendly.

We have prepped the kids that tomorrow will be a super long drive day, probably 12 hours of actual drive time, 700 miles or so. We are going to get out and touch the Salt Lake and then touch Lake Tahoe, and then try to arrive in Sacramento for our final night in a hotel; then we'll cross over the Golden Gate Bridge as our grand entry into the Bay Area and then show up at the First Day of School Picnic at the little school our kids will share.

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